Stories #suicideprevention #useyourvoice

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, everyone has a story to tell.

… and i’ll keep saying it until everyone gets the point.

i genuinely feel like the experiences of others, no matter how big or small, can have an impact on people for the better. because of that, everyone should tell their stories. i understand that not everyone is ready to tell their stories, but i also know that society shouldn’t filter out which ones are more interesting and which aren’t.

its crazy, because for the most part we have had this “majority rules”/”only the strong survive” mentality and quite honestly, i don’t see it benefiting the world as a whole. at all. the minority are now becoming the majority and vise versa… more and more people are revealing their anxiety and depression which is something that has been swept under the rug (to put it lightly) for years.

Olivia Munn just revealed her anxiety disorder and we were just rocked with ANOTHER suicide by a young NFL wide receiver, OJ Murdock. how can we still continue to be silent on these issues? how can we allow others to keep feeling like they are alone in what they are dealing with? i bet if OJ was encouraged to be open about how he felt he would still be here today. i bet if many were just about to reach up and reach out for help they would still be here. they would still be trying.

the idea that silence means strength needs to be corrected… the belief that the majority of people aren’t dealing with emotions needs to be changed. i couldn’t be more tired of seeing others hurt themselves because they feel isolated… and i couldn’t be more tired of feeling the same way. i’m tired of feeling like i CAN’T feel certain things… tired of holding back tears… and i know that others feel that way too. i can’t imagine how much better this world would be if we focused on community and helping each other rather than believing that it is every man for themselves.

how many more people will have to suffer and, eventually, die before we start taking action? what will it take for us to genuinely care for other people?

the awesome part of it all is we can use our voices and experiences to start creating change… and the thing about using your voice is, you don’t have to shout everything from the rooftops and use a public forum if you don’t want to. you can start in your own home, in your own neighborhood, at school, at work… i guarantee it will touch someone in a way that makes them want to be open with their stories as well. it will create community and end the silence.

that is truly what this world needs. it needs change… so be it.


Triggers #suicideprevention #dontgiveup #triggers

last night i went out with a couple of friends to karaoke night (against my better judgement as i’ve been trying to keep to myself for the most part as of late) for a while and towards the end of the outing someone sang “The End of the World” by Skeeter Davis, which is a HUGE trigger for me and i wanted to leave instantly.

first of all, why would anyone be singing THAT at a bar or even allowed to? second of all, if you’ve ever heard that song its quite literally one of the most depressing songs one could hear, i mean the title does give it away….  and thirdly, if you’ve seen “Girl Interrupted” you would know that song is associated with suicide. before i grew to, well, despise that song i actually used it to feed my desire to die. i listened to it over and over because it validated my depression… it made it ok.  as most of you who follow the blog know i attempted suicide twice, and it was the second time i felt that song was most relevant to reasons i should die. for MANY reasons i will not put the lyrics to the song here or the actual song itself, but trust me when i say its relevant. its brings my past to the present every time i hear it and i start to hate myself all over again.

for one, it made me realize that to some i will always be the depressed chick who attempted suicide. ALWAYS. lets face it, certain people like labels and will stick to them out of pure ignorance and comfort. i don’t want to put that label on myself which is very important, but its human nature to be concerned about how people perceive you. the fact that i still care about others’ perception of me is irritating to say the least, but i manage (apparently).

another note to point out is, there is a part of me that still feels extremely guilty for feeling suicidal. i get that more often than not it wasn’t something i couldn’t control because i didn’t know how, but i feel bad for the people who genuinely cared if i wasn’t around anymore. i know that hurt them and as i’ve said before, all i want to do with the rest of my life is make it up to them and to myself.

i very clearly remember just crying and playing that song on my phone over and over.. watching “Girl Interrupted” and sometimes rewinding the part where that song plays.. to live a life in where you’re obsessed with death is extremely taxing. and my addictive personality didn’t help the fact that somewhere deep inside i wanted this to end.

luckily for me i was stopped from committing suicide and after being hospitalized i knew that i had to make serious changes in my life, and it compelled me to help others who go through that struggle as well. if you hear or see something that triggers negative energy please run away from it. if you resist it, you will be free from it. don’t play into it.. don’t contribute to your own demise. keep fighting and don’t give up…

as i’ve said before, it gets better… and i will continue to show you as living proof.

YNF Updates #suicideprevention

for those who actually follow YNF at the website I apologize for not updating more often, but there should be a couple more updates this week. also if you have any ideas on how to enhance it or want to contribute PLEASE let me know… YNF could use an extra set of hands and at least one other brain 🙂

peace and blessings,

P.S. while you wait for updates read the other stories on and keep your thoughts and prayers with the families and victims of the Aurora, Colorado tragedy. ♥

Think Outside The Box #suicideprevention #mentalhealth

Ever notice how all mental disorders are just, for the most part, grouped together as if they are all the same? Maybe it’s just me, but I haven’t even heard mental health professionals (recently) speak of mental illness as if it is complicated. Society simplifies it so much and it adds to the lack of education and stigma surrounding it.

I’ve spent some time in mental health hospitals on two occasions (yes, as a patient) and found that it is the case there as well. Both times it was difficult being grouped with people who didn’t understand where I was coming from, though we experienced therapy as a group as if we were all the same. Sure it gave me a better understanding and compassion of people who deal with dementia, schizophrenia, addiction, and other disorders… but it left me wondering why one on one care was so minimal.

Maybe it comes down to money, which is almost always the issue. Mental health professionals aren’t cheap so its probably easier to just group everyone together for 50 minute sessions and ask general questions without getting to the root of any issues (since there isn’t time to do so). This of course makes it easier to act like everything is OK and get out of the hospital that much faster without any real healing taking place.

At the same time, however, there have been times in my life where I have almost felt inclined to go back to those hospitals. Most people I’ve encountered there find it easier to extend their stay there or go back because it provides comfort not only in the literal sense (with food, shower, and a bed to sleep in) but in the sense that even with a variety of different mental disorders people feel that they belong there. It’s OK to be suicidal, depressed, and anxious in a closed off environment where no one else has to deal with it because you’re tired of feeling like you’re a burden on others… I know I’m not the only person who has ever felt that way.

I believe this is why we need to think outside the box. There are plenty of people who are highly functioning, yet have extreme low points… myself included.. as well as people who live obviously with mental disorders. Not everyone is the same and should not be grouped together and be silenced as if they are. They shouldn’t be disregarded and closed off so because society stays ignorant if we continue to act like it doesn’t exist or that it only does in extreme circumstances.

The time is now to end the stigma and educated ourselves on the things people deal with.. to have compassion and know that just about everyone we encounter might be going through something so deep that they feel they have to hide it. And finally, we have to be the change and show the world that its OK to be open and not be so limited. Its time to save lives, not contribute to death.

Photo Credit: Rick Perez Photography

What Keeps You Alive Project #suicideprevention #dontgiveup #staystrong

YNF is starting a “What Keeps You Alive” pic/video project in order to encourage others to see the good, get help, and know that they are not alone. For details on how to get involved click the link below. Thanks 🙂