My #Suicide Letter: Guest Post #MentalHealth #SuicidePrevention #TW #MHBlog

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a letter; basically a “Dear John” letter to suicide… all thoughts of it and agreement with it. You can check it out here:

https://yourenotfinished.com/2014/08/05/my-suicide-letter-mentalhealth-mhblog-savealife-triggerwarning/

A new friend of mine was inspired to write her own and gave me the permission to share it in order to inspire others going through the same things that we all tend to go through in our struggle with depression, anxiety, and/or suicidal thoughts. I admire her bravery and honesty and I hope you all do the same.

“Dear You,

I’m still standing. But you’re also still standing. I really thought that I would have beaten you by now. I really did. I guess I’m still trying to beat you. I am sick of you overpowering me, abusing me, reducing me to a puddle of tears at night when people can’t see or hear me. The ironic thing is that I ran to you as a comfort when I was younger, when I was going through everything that has shaped me into the person that I am. I didn’t realize that I could end everything, but once I did, everything that I was worried about seemed irrelevant. I didn’t care.

I still use you as a comfort, come to think of it. I hate you so much, yet I also hide in your shadow because it’s the only place that’s familiar. And who doesn’t like familiar? As comforting as you are, the fact is that I’m no longer a child. You’re stopping me, and I can’t live my life waiting at your red traffic light that never changes. I tell myself there’s something better out there; you tell me that I’m worthless, that I won’t amount to anything. You press replay on all the memories that I don’t want to live like a scratched record replaying the same track, keeping me frozen where I am. I want to believe that I am worth something, that I am powerful. I am beyond sick of your voice screaming at me that I’m not. I don’t want you to define me. I don’t want to believe that I am a coward for not following through.

You don’t want me to change because if I change that means you will cease to have power over me. But I know that I am so much more than what you tell me I am. I am sick of living a half-life because of you. I am sick of smiling when I want to cry, lying and saying I’m okay when I’m really not. I am sick of looking at the world through fogged glass.

Someone once told me, “When you love your story, it’s because it’s a fact, not a factor.”

I want to make you a fact, not a factor. You are a puppet, not the puppeteer. That’s my job.
You were (and still are) such a strong presence in my life that it’s going to take time
to shake you off. I know that this won’t make you disappear, but at least it will help me to loosen your grip, even a little.

Me”

If you want to write your own letter, shoot me an email at yourenotfinished@gmail.com or click on “Contact YNF”. Anonymous submissions are always welcome.

Get Help here: https://yourenotfinished.com/get-help/

Much love, survivors! Stay strong.

For Those Who Were Triggered #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #depression #TW #MHBlog

I’m not gonna lie and act like Robin Williams’ untimely death by suicide didn’t effect me negatively… in more ways than one.

Of course there is the fact that he was, without a doubt, one of the most talented entertainers in the industry as well as an amazing, loving man. Did I know him personally? Not even a little bit, but in his works, words, and actions I saw a genuine soul.

Then there was the trigger.

As some of you know and others are about to find out I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and attempted suicide twice (at the age of 23 and 25, I’m 28 now). I started to consider all of the things that are still going wrong in my life, all of the imperfections I am highly critical of, all of the times where people in my life have chosen to walk away because of those imperfections… I started to reflect on my current struggles with a friend of mine and wonder about/wait for the day that person would walk away, too; which by the way happened how I suspected it would.

The day of Robin Williams’ death was, for me, beginning to be a moment in which I thought I should reconsider my decision not to end my own life.

But then I woke up the next day… with new hope and freedom. Still hurting from the toxic thoughts and the events that took place the day before, but with the reassurance that I had made the right decision. I was encouraged to focus on the good, how far I’ve come, that how well I do is not dependent on whether or not someone else is there to do well with me and to fight for my purpose… my hopes… my dreams… my life.

I was encouraged that the past, INCLUDING the previous day, was history which could educate me on how to live in the present. That I could start over, even at 28, with the removal of all things, thoughts, and people that can potentially hurt or even kill me.. or convince me that I should kill myself. That I could start over with the removal of all lies which lead to death and step into the truth that leads to life.

So for those of you who were triggered by the death of Robin Williams, and the rest of your life circumstances, know that tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to walk out the love and acceptance you are seeking. Use the pain and hurt that others may have caused you as a crash course on what NOT to do. Remember that the pain and hurt that you may have inflicted on yourself is not indicative of who you really are and who you were meant to be.

Speak up for yourself, and speak out for others. Get help.

https://yourenotfinished.com/get-help/

Stay strong, survivors. Much love.

My #Suicide Letter #MentalHealth #MHBlog #SaveALife #TriggerWarning

Dear YOU,

I’ve finally had enough of you bullying me… bringing me down… abusing me and leading me to abuse myself… telling me I won’t amount to anything and that no one will ever love me. I’m tired of over-thinking everything and taking others’ actions personally. I’m done with thinking that I’m not good enough or pretty enough; and that I have no purpose on this earth.

For years I have allowed you to shape who I am, dictate how I feel about myself, and affect how I treat others.

So I’m ending my life as I know it…

Better yet, I’m ending my life with YOU as I know it.

I’m using my voice to cry out for help when I feel helpless because I know there is someone out there who cares for me and sees my worth. I’m walking away from the pain and hurt; using the power that I’ve always had to take back my mind, my heart, my thoughts, and my will… I am putting myself first.

I’m choosing to live; getting off the road of death to embrace the journey of life and healing. Choosing to learn healthy ways to express my valid thoughts and feelings. No matter how high the stakes; no matter how long it takes. I know the hope I have will get me through and I WILL live without you… that I will experience true freedom.

Goodbye suicide; I am severing all ties. If you come knocking on the door of my mind again I won’t answer; I am taking this leap of faith, knowing hope will catch me when I fall.

Me.

I encourage all of you who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues to seek help here: https://yourenotfinished.com/get-help/ and start to take your power back by actively separating from anything or anyone that may cause you to embrace thoughts of death, whether that means writing a letter like this one, seeking therapy, talking it out with friends and family, WHATEVER IT TAKES!

If you want to share your letter here on the site be sure to comment or click “Contact YNF!” Anon submissions always welcome.

You are so loved, survivors! Stay strong!

Til next time.