More often than not, mental health awareness is a term or movement used to give people the tools, capacity, & education to support others who struggle & decrease stigma.
There are many resources provided for people who struggle so they can manage mental distress, illness, & symptoms of either, but there is one thing I don’t often see – resources on how to, when possible, restore relationships with others when mental health &/or certain behaviors have improved.
Since there is a need for community, there should be more emphasis on this.
I’ll use myself as an example. Up until my late twenties, I struggled with alcoholism & severe anxiety & depression. I made some bad choices (as we all have), spoke out of turn, put myself &, at time, others in unsafe positions. Until I became aware of the impact of these things, I centered myself, my safety, my healing, without much consideration of how my words & actions made other people feel.
Once I became aware of the impact of my choices & stopped centering myself, after I put in the work to improve myself by having a relationship with God, going to therapy, & getting the education – even while doing those things – I needed to work to improve my relationship with others.
Especially with those who saw me at my worst & decided to stick around.
Sidenote: no disrespect to those who left. The reality is, people are not obligated to remain in relationship with you, especially if you are not seeking help for demonstrative issues. Not just if you aren’t seeking the help, but if that is a deliberate choice.
Unfortunately, especially & exclusively for those who have the cognitive ability to be aware of this, centering self can’t be the path to go on. I’m not saying to apologize or atone for the roots of addiction, mental illness or mood disorders, or even distressful moments. There is plenty of grace available for these things. What I am saying is this:
Once someone is aware of how difficult moments during a season of addiction, distress, or untreated illness have negatively impacted their relationships or the people around them, they will need to demonstrate that they are safe for themselves & to others. Especially if those moments were traumatic in nature.
& no, safe doesn’t mean perfect.
It means safe, because while certain mental illnesses, mood disorders, moments of distress, or addictions can explain actions it doesn’t absolve people from accountability.
Can people trust them?
How do they react when people tell them the truth?
Can they be held accountable?
Is their recovery an ongoing process (which is OK) & is their growth evident?
Are they still using substances or vices to cope?
Are they honest on difficult days or slip-ups?
Are they honest at all?
Again, especially for those who have the cognitive ability to be aware.
This is why awareness goes both ways.
The bottom line is that if, for whatever reason, someone put themselves &/or others at risk or contributed to distress & decided to just move on from it without seeking professional help or counsel (if they had the cognitive &/or practical ability to do so) I (& anyone else) should have no reason to believe they won’t do it again. More dangerous individuals will just change their surroundings instead of changing themselves.
Private & public demonstrations of risk demand private & public demonstrations of safety once someone chooses to course correct. Safety, not perfection.
Refusal to course correct is also a choice.
One that should be respected with distance & a preservation of peace.
If you need additional resources for mental health, addiction, and suicide prevention, head over to the “get help” section. If you want to share your experience or tell your story or journey as someone with a diagnosed mental health or mood disorder in order to connect with & encourage others, & you’re OK with that being shared here on the YNF website, shoot an email to stories@yourenotfinished.com or contact me through the site.
Anonymous submissions are welcome.
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