there’s something to be said about the person who lives to make other people better…
to clarify, there is a difference between living for other people, and living to make other people better. the former implies, quite frankly, being a doormat and allowing people to walk all over you. the latter implies adding value to someone’s life. bettering yourself AND others.
i’ve experienced both, actually. i spent most of my life (all 25 years of it) diminishing myself because i thought that was the only way people loved me, if i did what they asked me to do… at all times. if i dropped everything to be there for them.. if i apologized for how i felt no matter how valid.. you get it by now. i seemingly had EVERYONE by my side as long as i was lowering myself to make everyone else happy. but they “loved” me, so i didn’t mind doing that at the time.
it wasn’t until i actively tried to change my life, and was almost forced to get therapy that i realized that i really shouldn’t feel bad for how i feel. i actually started to believe that i wasn’t asking for much when i requested to be loved in return. i now realize that that’s something i shouldn’t have to ask for because everyone, including me, deserves that regardless of past present or future. long story short, it was then that i began the transformation from the former to the latter, still trying to better myself on a daily in order to add value to someone else’s life.
the discouraging part about this, however, is.. i don’t have very many people around me anymore. while it was a blessing to find out who my true friends are, being somewhat of a loner after getting used to having my phone blow up kinda sucks to be honest. but it leaves room for the people who want to love me as i grow… and it opens my heart to love more people and accept them with open arms. i have to have hope and faith that i will see the rewards of this transformation sooner than later. sometimes its tempting to just be selfish and make it all about me, and selfishness might bring success now, but imagine how hard it’s going to be to live with burned bridges later. looking out for others and the self… that is key to having a life worth living. to being remembered by what you give, not what you get.
love and be loved survivors… <3