Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?

there were a couple of times in my life that i was EXTREMELY suicidal…

during those times i remember the people i’ve loved the most in my life (all 3 of them, 2 of which i was in love with) saying “you need help,” but never really knowing how to help me, yet wanting me to stay alive “for them” if not for myself. what average human really knows how to be helpful to someone who is so down on themselves? what average human really WANTS to know?

at any rate, they all knew i needed more than what they could give me so they walked away and found “normalcy” with someone who wasn’t as needy as i was at the time. never looked back. the same people who had just said not to long before then “stay alive for me.” the same people who told me it was going to be ok. the same people who told me not to feel bad for how i feel.

part of me used to think, “who can blame them?” i mean come on now, people have their own problems, right? its true, they do. but at the same time people can’t be here today and gone tomorrow if they GENUINELY care for someone. especially if you ask them to stay alive… they are asking people to stick around but won’t do it themselves? it’s a bit hypocritical i believe.

i said all that to say, walking away from someone who is suicidal and feels they are at their wits end is NEVER an option. i’ve said it before and i will say it again, we are here to LOVE and BE LOVED. it gives the implication that said love is an action, so why not direct people to they help they need all while people supportive and staying by their side? last time i checked there’s nothing wrong with loyalty. and if they are at the point where you feel like they will try to end their life, call the police. DO IT. i’m proof that calling the police works… then STAY BY THEIR SIDE as they get better. just be there. if you want someone who’s suicidal to never give up that means you have to be the example and never give up on them.

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