so over the last 7 or 8 months i’ve had the pleasure of learning the biggest lesson i’ve ever learned in my life. what was the lesson? i learned the hard way to NEVER fully commit yourself into someone who is only invested. you would think i would have known that, but sometimes its hard to remember that someone could give up or walk away at any moment for any reason… well until now. i realize that since i am someone who is trying to save people’s lives i have to remain fully committed to that at all costs, and i have NO problem with that. however in my personal relationships i have a tendency to be a little more guarded. to demonstrate why (because i love to provide some kind of proof or real life application) i’d like to paint a picture of two friends… hypothetical of course… by comparing the two imaginary people.
Friend A considers friend B’s needs above her own. Friend B hopes friend A’s need don’t conflict with hers.
Friend A shows she cares daily. Friend B tells her, shows her on occasion.
Friend A is all in. Friend B is in when it’s convenient to be so.
Friend A treasures the good times and the bad. Friend B would rather avoid the bad times.
Friend A is there most if not every time friend B needs her. Friend B picks and chooses when she wants to be there.
Friend A feels like she can and will do everything for friend B. Friend B will do the bare minimum to keep friend A around.
Friend A’s love is unconditional. Friend B’s love is conditional which means that
Friend A will never leave regardless of how hard things get and friend B will absolutely bail when the pressure is too much.
the crazy part about all of that is it doesn’t make friend B a bad person.
did i just say that??? yes, i did, and here’s why. the truth is people have to be taught that its ESSENTIAL to love someone unconditionally, especially when it is the hardest to do it. i believe that all of us are born with the ability to do so, but after we learn what love is (either by observation or by direct instruction) we must make the conscious choice to apply love to the lives we live. we must love others and ourselves.
here’s another part of the picture that i didn’t paint above for you. Friend B probably isn’t sure how to express herself fully because she wasn’t shown how to do so or she is EXTREMELY uncomfortable with doing so; and Friend A is probably doing more that what she has to to keep someone around. She also overly invested in someone who didn’t invest much into her and she settled for less than what she deserves because of low self-esteem. Friend A did not love herself to know that what she was giving away & trying to get back was already inside of herself.
giving too much of yourself to anyone without knowing what you will get can be extremely dangerous and risky, but it’s also one of the bravest things anyone can do. there’s a huge lesson in it. while one must be smart about how they give, one must realize that everyone deserves unconditional love at all times. regardless of what they do. one must also do the best they can to give without thinking about the return profit. people make mistakes and bad choices all the time… thats when they need the most love and guidance to do the right thing. to stop harming themselves. to seek help. to stay alive.
if you or someone you know is friend A i recommend you/they take a step back from friend B and show that love to yourself/themselves for a while to see how your/their life changes. to maybe not focus on just friend B, but how they can be the way they are to everyone they meet in addition to themselves. we all have enough love inside of us to change the world, we just have to channel it and put in into practice. if someone decides they don’t want your love its ALWAYS their loss, and someone else’s gain.