a long time ago someone, i don’t remember who, told me it was a good idea to write a letter to someone who may have hurt you in the past or has some sort of significance in your life and never send it. that way you can get some sort of closure from that situation and move on.

after thinking about what i would say to people i would write the letter to here’s what i came up with:

dear _________ (spelled out the longest name, but it goes for at least 4 people that i can think of right now),

i love you, i’m sorry, and i forgive you.

sincerely,

me.

that’s it. after mentally draining myself thinking about what i could say to make them realize they hurt me, how sorry i am for hurting them, and how i would have still tried anything to make it work with them or have them in my life in spite of that i realized that a) they probably aren’t thinking about it at all so b) why should i? why stress myself over people who are gone? over people who couldn’t handle me at my worst and therefore don’t deserve me at my best?

i’m actually thankful for them giving up on me/walking away from me/not giving me a chance because it made me take a look at myself and see how valuable i am. i realized that i don’t need to overvalue anyone and put myself down in the process, and that i don’t have to bring my past with me into any other friendships or relationships… meaning, i dont have to expect them to walk away. me doing so only sets me up for failure. if someone does walk away again, thats ok. it doesn’t make me a bad person. things happen… all its gonna do is make me stronger.

i’ve learned so much that i’m in a position to win in my future… sure i’m pretty much flying solo right now, but thats necessary and beneficial for my own sanity. it hurts sometimes and gets lonely, but i have to continue to figure out how to be kind to myself. i can’t get caught up in someone else’s love for me anymore. my life can’t depend on it anymore… i have too much to live for..

writing that letter along with the others i decided not to write helped me think about things with a clear mind in spite of me dealing with depression and anxiety on occasion and i really thinking it plays an essential role in moving forward. if you have anyone you need to write to, i strongly suggest doing so. for your own sanity. 🙂