you ever wonder/notice how/question why love that comes from just anyone might not be enough? it seems that some people, including myself tend to operate in specifics. it’s like yes, you’re receiving love from person X (or persons, if one is blessed enough), but its not the person you really want it to be so it doesn’t feel as good. i saw someone operate in this way  and it made me check my own actions, because i do that sometimes too.

it could be the same when you are showing love as well. you could be overly loving to certain people for various reasons, while possibly neglecting or being unfavorable to someone else who might need your love (still not excluding myself from this part either). yet they still love you back because that’s how amazing they are.

love shouldn’t be so selective. at least i don’t think so, because then its not real love. its not that unconditional love that we (well i’m not gonna speak for everyone) that i am desperate for want. maybe i feel like the love that i receive isn’t as unconditional as i want it to be because the love i give isn’t as unconditional as it needs to be and it could be the same for others… to be all the way real. it certain circumstances i find that i will put a cap on love for reasons that are in the next paragraph.

don’t get me wrong i want to love everyone completely, but i have a terrible habit.. mmm.. more like mindset that over time i’m gonna need to protect myself after a while because A) once people find out the me under the surface they’re gonna shut that love down, B) i’ve gotten hurt way too many times and i’d like to prevent it as much as possible. i know others feel this way as well.

for me its like once they get over that “under the surface me” and i mean ALL THE WAY over it (like they see the anxiety and depression and actually DON’T give up on me), which has only happened 1.72 times, THEN i can love them unconditionally. wow, right? i’m kind of a jerk (i may or may not be being too hard on myself) or i just have trust issues, the less abrasive version of being kind of a jerk.

its terrible, i know, and seeing what i saw yesterday made me absolutely want to change (more than i’ve already been trying to). with the mindset i have its kind of difficult to not only love someone else unconditionally, but to love myself in the same way; which is one of the biggest struggles i have.

i don’t see this as negative however it promotes change and is a reminder to me and the world that i/they need to let things go. forget past failures, hurts, and pains so that i/we can stay humble and love ANYONE and EVERYONE that we cross paths with. this also includes loving my family, friends, and even enemies in a better way and remembering that not everyone is going to love me back, which in the end is ok. as long as someone does, which i know they do.

go into each day KNOWING you are loved by someone for who you are and/or that as you grow people will accept that you are doing you best each day. all you have to do is try and believe that it is enough.

i promise you it does get better.. don’t give up.

photo credit: Rick Perez Photography