i JUST realized how much your surroundings can shape you…

well, let me give myself a bit more credit… I knew this was the case, as i have seen proof of it in the lives of others. but of course nothing truly become real until you experience it for yourself.

i have spent the last 5 days or so away from my typical surroundings. as i have said before, sometimes you do need time away from the mundane things and everyday triggers that contribute to any negative feelings. and while you’re away from the very thing that you are used to, its helpful to be open to receiving any other help or getting to know people who can help you be free to be who you want to be… scratch that… who you were destined to be.

the more i am away from what i’m used to, the freer i feel. i’m used to sitting and sometimes stewing in unresolved conflict and not being able to do anything about it (or being around people who have no desire to resolve it)… i’m used to being held back by others’ perception of me… i’m used to feeling like an outsider in a place where i should be  at home… and what’s interesting about this is i have chosen, until very recently, to accept this as how life should be until by some miracle it gets better.

don’t get me wrong, it does get better… my testimony serves as living proof. but what i failed to remember is that after it gets better, it becomes the best if you allow it to. if you believe that where you are is not where you will end up…. if you come to the realization that as long as you are still breathing you have unfinished business… that with time, patience, perseverance, faith, self-control, and most of all love you will grow to a place you never imagined.

i never thought i would be pursuing my dreams and writing a suicide prevention blog… i didn’t think my life mattered.. heck i didn’t think i’d be alive to do much of anything. but i have been given a chance to learn how to love myself and the people around me; a chance to accept real love as it is shared with me.

if i of all people, can be given such grace with all of the mistakes i have made in life then i wholeheartedly believe that the possibilities are limitless for you, survivors.