i’ve had a lot of time to actually think about things with a clear mind; which is weird because i can’t remember the last time my mind wasn’t cluttered with anything.
sure i still have a tendency to over-think things (who doesn’t nowadays) but as time progresses i have more and more power to not let those thoughts get out of control or lead to self-destructive actions. i want more now than ever to not go back to the person i used to be… to live with freedom and purpose; so because of that i will fight harder than i ever have for myself. no one else will.. it’s all up to me and i am strong enough to do so.
this power comes with the acceptance of love, patience, kindness, and grace… the acceptance of the things in the past… the acceptance of my reactions to those things… the acceptance of what happens in the present.. the acceptance that i don’t know what the future holds. living as if today is my last day on earth without thinking about the what-ifs or remembering what has happened before because acceptance means not living in fear.
often times we tend to settle for the love we think we deserve… and living with a mental illness that can mean that we settle for less with all intents and purposes since we… well i won’t speak for everyone, but i know i (though i know i’m not alone in this) can get caught up in an episode and reach for ANYTHING that will sooth my anxiety or numb my depression. regardless of whether that thing (or sometimes person) is actually good for me or not in the long run.
the difference, however, between settling and accepting is that with the former we take what we THINK we deserve sometimes by any means necessary and with the latter we aren’t surprised when we are openly given the love we KNOW we deserve. its being brave, with the unwavering belief that we are beautiful as we are and we have more to offer because of that and all that we have been through… not in spite of it.
peace and blessings, survivors. 🙂