I’m not gonna lie and act like Robin Williams’ untimely death by suicide didn’t effect me negatively… in more ways than one.
Of course there is the fact that he was, without a doubt, one of the most talented entertainers in the industry as well as an amazing, loving man. Did I know him personally? Not even a little bit, but in his works, words, and actions I saw a genuine soul.
Then there was the trigger.
As some of you know and others are about to find out I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and attempted suicide twice (at the age of 23 and 25, I’m 28 now). I started to consider all of the things that are still going wrong in my life, all of the imperfections I am highly critical of, all of the times where people in my life have chosen to walk away because of those imperfections… I started to reflect on my current struggles with a friend of mine and wonder about/wait for the day that person would walk away, too; which by the way happened how I suspected it would.
The day of Robin Williams’ death was, for me, beginning to be a moment in which I thought I should reconsider my decision not to end my own life.
But then I woke up the next day… with new hope and freedom. Still hurting from the toxic thoughts and the events that took place the day before, but with the reassurance that I had made the right decision. I was encouraged to focus on the good, how far I’ve come, that how well I do is not dependent on whether or not someone else is there to do well with me and to fight for my purpose… my hopes… my dreams… my life.
I was encouraged that the past, INCLUDING the previous day, was history which could educate me on how to live in the present. That I could start over, even at 28, with the removal of all things, thoughts, and people that can potentially hurt or even kill me.. or convince me that I should kill myself. That I could start over with the removal of all lies which lead to death and step into the truth that leads to life.
So for those of you who were triggered by the death of Robin Williams, and the rest of your life circumstances, know that tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to walk out the love and acceptance you are seeking. Use the pain and hurt that others may have caused you as a crash course on what NOT to do. Remember that the pain and hurt that you may have inflicted on yourself is not indicative of who you really are and who you were meant to be.
Speak up for yourself, and speak out for others. Get help.
Stay strong, survivors. Much love.