I can’t be the only one who feels weird when people are nice to them… right?
I wonder why they are being nice or what is behind their niceness. I get anxious waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting strings to be attached or something bad to happen soon after. I’m sure someone else can sympathize.
After much thought & reflection, I realized that I have this underlying belief that “niceness” is something I don’t deserve.
Last week I went to an auto store to get new hubcaps and not only was the customer service was excellent, but I was treated with such kindness – something I’m not used to. Because of my struggle with hyper independence, I get anxious when I have to ask someone for help because I tend to feel like a burden when doing so.
So when the guy from O’Reilly’s was thoughtful, attentive, & more than willing to show me how to change my hubcaps, I felt so weird & couldn’t stop myself from thanking him every time he did something he was there to do in the first place. I could tell my excessive thankfulness was starting to make him uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop myself.
More than being thankful, I felt apologetic that he even had to help me in general & wanted to do something for him in return. Afterwards I had to remind myself that:
- A) this is literally his job; this is what he is paid to do.
- B) based on his countenance, it seemed that he genuinely didn’t mind helping me.
- C) kindness isn’t something I have to earn or work for.
- D) the command to love (Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31) applies to me as well as it does to others.
What I mean by that last point is that I have to remember that just as I must love others as myself, others are commanded to love me, too. I realize that the guy from O’Reilly’s may not have been a Christian, but the point remains that kindness, gentleness, & love aren’t things that I am undeserving of.
I’m sure there are many people who can understand believing good things about others but struggling to have that same belief for themselves. But what makes us so different? We’re just as human & in need of grace as anyone else is.
With this realization & as I’ve been learning & implementing healthy boundaries for myself I have, with some trepidation, been requesting that those who speak to me do so with kindness & respect. Even if they have to say something that is hard for me to hear.
Literally, TALK TO ME NICE(LY)!
It’s been interesting to see how conversations with people have changed & even decreased in certain situations. Because there is now an understanding of what is & isn’t acceptable, my relationships with others have either strengthened or there has been a revelation of what that relationship actually is – a sinking ship. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but boundaries & growth always reveal intention, maturity level, & the strength of a friendship or relationship.
At the end of the day, I’m just sharing this so whoever ends up reading will understand how deserving of kindness they are. Asking for help is OK. Asking someone to be cognizant of how they are speaking to you is good practice & indicative of how there should be honor & respect in your relationships. I hope & pray that all of us who struggle in this area come to fully believe how true this is & that our sense of self-worth improves.
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Have a great day & finish well!