Hello everyone, I’m Augusto Ingar and my 19 years old. I’m going to tell you tell you my story: growing up as a little kid I went to every Sunday morning church dress up formal. At that time I didn’t know anything except the name of Jesus, God and Jesus’ Mother that’s all I knew. Every Sunday I went to church sleepy because it was morning and I didn’t understand the priest since he preach in Spanish at that time I didn’t know any Spanish so that made it work to understand. Basically I went through that traditional religion as a little kid; you can tell I didn’t have Jesus at that time in my life. One day my family and I stop going to church. I just want to say that following a religion isn’t going to get you close to Jesus because having a relationship with Jesus will.
After stop going to church a few years later I just started to live how I wanted live like. That’s going to school, hang out with friends, spend time being lazy, and love having money even if it wasn’t much. I was doing the things you need to do to be successful in life. I look into stuff that seems so beautiful such as money, pornography, gold chain necklace, getting, drunk, etc. anything that look pleasure to the eye. What I was doing is to fill in that emptiness inside me that I had; those few things that I mention didn’t satisfied me. I was helpless in that because I thought I was the only one who was like that.
One thing to know about me is that I don’t like people who argue in a way that involves screaming at each other and I’m not like that. I say that because I was affected by few argument that were between my two sisters. That made me to keep my emotions to myself; that’s a bad idea because you get use to it when you face another situation that might be bad use to have thoughts that involve ending my life because of the emotion I kept to myself; I even once tempted to end my life by getting the wall phone charger and wrap the cord around my neck to choke myself but in the middle of it I just stop choking myself with cord and I started crying before go to sleep and this was in my room with the light off. I want to start off by staying that I’m attracting to guys and girls. The first time I notice it was in freshman year of high school. I start to have gay chat with a guy online that went to the same high school by we never meet in person since I was confused about me being attract a guy and girl. Long story short, I stop chat with him because I was having thought of being with this guy and it was mixed with that. Throughout high school year, I told no one about my attraction towards guys and girls. A year ago, I came out to my mom and told her that I’m bisexual and her response was care and supporting plus she said she knew there was something different about me. I guess its true when they say moms knows everything. The only people that know about my sexuality are my parents, two older sister, and two best friends.
By that love from them, I found that God does love me no matter what. One day I just told my mom everything I kept inside of me and my mom ask me if I want to go to the hospital to get help which I did get help because I couldn’t take it anymore. I want to tell you if you are in that situation that I was in or you know someone that’s in the situation then speak out and tell someone because they care about you. I did use to get drunk to fit in which was I bad idea because it only lead me to sorrow and disgusted with the vomit. It has happen to me a few times with the whole school: such as getting a good grade, passing my classes, not slacking in school ,etc. anything that will pile up to be stressful. To be honest I don’t know why I did that. My mom always told me when I start to stress out on school is to do the best you can and always ask for help. I graduate high school recently with a high school diploma; the reason I say that because I have a learning disability; which is that I learn different from others. I was put in a program that’s called ESE or SPED since elementary school. in that program, you got to fight to get that high school diploma because if you don’t they just give you a certificate that just shows that you attend high school but didn’t work hard which must people do work hard. I thought I would get a high school diploma until my mom told me; she was the one that fought for me to get that diploma and it was me that accomplished to receive it with help. Yes I did sometimes thought of dropping out of school because it was hard but I had support to keep me motivated. I was one of those people who you take to church but nothing happens to them; that was during all the mess with thoughts of ending my life, happiness in earthly things, kept emotion inside of me. I use to be a porn addict.
At the age of 13, I look at my first porn. That went on from 13-18 years old. It starts from the TV to the porn website to chat room; I thought was the only one struggling from this addiction. Sometimes my family member seek me looking at porn, at most times I want to stop but I didn’t how to but my parents did explain the difference between sex and porn but it just went from one ear and out the other. Later on my journey with God I found that with that porn addiction that I’m not alone. .. . Thirteen months ago it was when I gave my life to Jesus because Pastor Pedro Garcia altar call and remember everything that had happen to me. I have gone through good or bad trails but I got Jesus with me and he helps me along with my family and friend. I still need Jesus help to go through the day. He has changed my life also bless my family and me. If you think God can’t use you or change your life then think again. That’s what he does for everyone in this world. No matter what you gone through he will forgive you and love you forever. If you are looking so earthly thing to fill in that emptiness in your soul, it will lead you to disappointment. In Jesus you will finally find that something to fill in that emptiness in your soul and make it complete. Back then I didn’t know why I stop myself choking but I know because Jesus stops me to remind me of my family and friend. Ask for his to search your heart and come into your life. God bless everyone and God is Love.
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