Meet @SmileLiveDream

The time has come for me to tell my story. This is my story. I hope you read it all. Okay where to start. When I was in kindergarden that is when I started to get bullied. I remember me on a swing a girl came and told me to get off the swing i said no. She then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me away from the swing. She went back to the swing and while she swang back and forth i ran to a corner and cried. From then on people thought it was easy to pick on me so they did. I came to the united states and thought things would be different but they werent. I was an outsider someone who didnt belong. So thats how they treated me. I didnt know how to speak English so the other kids found it easy to blame me for things and i couldnt defend myself because i had no idea what they were saying. After first grade my little brothers were born. My mom got depressed and couldnt take care of my little brothers so much so I became like a second mother to them. I was 8 and i already had to take care of two twin children. My dad worked two jobs to try to provide for us so we barely got to see him. My little brothers gave me strengh to do better. So i worked hard to learn English and to get good grades. Second and third grade passed by and i had friends i guess you could say that. But where we lived there was alot of bad people. Me and my brother and sister saw things that children should never have to see or be exposed to. We saw death, violence, drugs. I remember clearly when this old guy try to kidnapp me when i was 9. I will never forget that. My dad said it was time to move especially because my little twin brothers were born. So we moved and once again i thought this a fresh new start. But things just got worse. At this school popularity was everything. Once again i was an outsider. I got some friends but i could never trust them. There was one girl I could trust she said she was my only friend and that i could only trust her. So i did. I trusted her and it was the bigest mistake ever. To make it short she tried to kill me. She had mental issues but her mother didnt want to take her to get help. She tried to stab me but it didnt work. She would psychically hurt my sibilings. One day we all went to the pool with her and her family. We were in the pool when I see a small body floating as if it were lifeless in the water. I screamed to my mom. Mom my brother. My brother get him out! The girl my so called friend was right next to his floating body just smiling pushing him down further. I almost lost one of my reasons to live because of this so called friend. It hurts so much to write this my arms are trembling. Ok well my mom jumped in and saved him and things after that changed. I changed. I didnt let anyone hurt my family or me. But then in sixth grade my classmates started to to make fun of me. Because of my last name. Because I made good grades. It didnt matter how much I tried to fit in I never did. I acted tough but inside i was dying. When I entered middle school everyone had changed. People grew. I however stayed the same. short and nerdy. I had three “best friends” we did everything together but even though i had them and could confide in them i still felt like an outsider. According to them i was the ugly one the one that was always the last to be picked. My friends became my bullies. They brought me down. Made me feel useless. One day something happened to me and my mom. We were walking home one night. It was dark. He came out of no where he started hurting my mom my mom screamed i will never forget that scream so much fear i was in shock scared but when i could finally react i aimed to hit his leg he dodged it and ran away. But not before he smiled and laughed. He laughed at our pain he laughed at our fear. I will never forget that face and that laugh it still haunts me. The next day I told my friends what happened i needed their support. But i didnt get that. No instead they said i was inventing that up because i wanted attention. I never felt more alone. Time went by high school started. I was a freshman and once again i felt like an outsider. I wanted to be somebody in life so i worked my butt off in school. I stressed so much. I was a straight A student. One day i got a B and i broke down i felt like a complete failure but then my dad told me You dont have to be perfect. Around that time my friend started doing drugs and skipping school. I tried to talk her out of that stuff but she just ignored me. One day she came to my house and her friend gave her durgs right outside my house. My family and friends were in the house but she didnt care. I got so mad because thats when i realized she didnt care and if she did she doesnt anymore. She turned to me and told me i was a bad friend because i didnt do the drugs with her because i didnt cut like her because i wasnt as miserable as her. She said i was a bad friend. I cant even explain how i felt to hear that everything we had gone through she was blaming me for her mistakes. I was so enraged that i lunged at her with all my anger. It took 4 of my friends to hold me back yes im small but that didnt stop the strengh and anger within me. I myself broke down. So many other stuff happened that i cant put into words. I was suffering so much. I didnt cut like others do instead i came up with more creative ways of hurting myself. I would get about 20 safety pins and pin it to my hands. I would stab my hands with safety pins. I would starve myself. I would also eat so much until my stomach hurt so much. And many other things. I would go to sleep crying at night and no one would notice. Then one day I started playing with knives. I thought about how it would feel like if i sliced my hands. One day I hit rock bottom. I couldnt take it anymore. I couldnt pretend anymore. So one night i was holding a knive ready to die. I was crying so much. I was breathing hard trying to gain the courage to just end everything. But then just when i was about to do it. My little brother comes from behind me i think he was 6 or 7. He saw me crying he then brushed a tear from my cheek and told me “I love you” When he said that something within me happened. You can call it in emphany i guess. I realized that i couldnt leave him. Thats why i call him my angel because he safed me. He doesnt know he did. But he did. He looked up to me and i was just going to end my life. I realized right then how selfish i was being. I was just thinking of my pain on how i thought life was treating me. But i never stopped to think how the people around me would feel if i were to be gone. When I finally stopped and thought about others i realized that people do care. If I were to be gone my mom with be devasted. My dad he has diabetes he would not be able to handle me gone. Then thats when everything changed for me. After that day I tried hard on my studies but i didnt let it take over my life. I stopped listening to what others say or thought about me because i really didnt care anymore. But when i was tying to make things right in my life i lost a family member. He and his friend were walking home one day and his friend got shot 7 times my cousin however only got shot once but that was enough because it was straight to the heart. My cousin was in a gang and his gang was in war with another gang. He died because of a territory battle. Our family has never been the same. He dies December 31st at 11:00pm one hour before the new year. That is why i am so against drugs, gangs, and bullying. I have gone through so much and i had fallen alot but i always got back up because no matter how bad life may seem it does get better. Take me for instance life gave me so many reasons to give up along time ago but i kept on rising back up. Now i am a high school graduated i graduated in the top 3% of my class. Got accepted to 10 colleges and got over 650,000 dollars in scholarships. I am majoring in psychology. And yes i still have my weak moments but that does not mean I wont keep rising back up. Three words that kept me going that i would say to myself was “Dream,Smile,Live”. Now you guys might think you know what i have been through but trust me this is nothing its only like 1 fourth of my life. But I hope yall take what my experinces and realize that you can get throught it. Well I guess that is it. If you read it all i thank you:) DreamSmileLive:)


Next Survivor:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s